Coping Mechanisms.

Some girls make wedding boards on pinterest, here’s what I do to survive/enjoy my single status.

1. Chocolate.
2. Going to the Gym.  What can I say, I work out.
3. Ice Cream, preferably with chocolate.
4. Running away to the mountains.
5. Indie rom coms. top two: 500 days of summer. the art of getting by. the girls are crazy,

    the guys are precious.
6. Girls’ nights.
7. Chocolate.  
8. Becoming overly invested in a TV series.
9. My friends. Even if I die single, I won’t die alone.
10. Listening to the Avett Brothers. Tearing up every time Scott mentions his children.
11. Look at over the top engagement/wedding photos.  and be happy I’m using my         

      money for other things.
12. Listening to Dashboard (guilty throwback).
13. Trying to be spontaneous, despite how full my schedule is.
14. Halfway filling out every online dating account ever, and then not actually signing up.
15. Chocolate.
16. Unfiltered sarcasm.
17. Focusing on the positives. and making lists of them for the world to see.
18. Making unnecessary generalizations about the opposite sex I don’t actually believe.  
19. Making a list of places I might move to next.  Preferably, places where it’s abnormal 

      to be married at 24, and not the norm.
20. Praying to the gods of every religion that all this self reflection graduate school will 

      pay off.  I know it will, but right now it feels like waiting for caffeine to kick in.

21-infinity: Taylor Swift, all things British, and campfires.

Relationships that never happen.

I date a lot.  I go on many a first date, and sometimes they even lead to relationships.  There was the drummer I dated for a month before he was just too into his music.  Then the summer romance that just turned into so much more until the distance became too hard.  I had the high school sweetheart, where prom became the highlight (and downfall) of our relationship.  There was the guy I talked to in the library just because he had red hair.  And then we went out just because he had red hair.  And that’s where it ended too.  There was one random time I actually decided to talk to someone in a bar, and he turned out not to be a jerk.  For like two dates.  But then there was another one who kept the jerk at bay for two months.  There was the friend that I finally told I loved.  And it was an Avett song (You Swept Me Away), until it turned into a Taylor Swift song (pick any and all).  Then there was the guy that saw me from across a crowded room.  When he walked up, I let my guard down.  Then he walked away, and now my guard is a 6 foot brick wall.

Disclaimer:  All of these people are real, sort of.  All of these people I had relationships with.  But the truth is all of these relationships were in my head.  For many of them, what happened in my head was way more promising than what ended up happening in real life.  For others, it gave me an excuse not to try.  Sometimes that’s ok.  I didn’t really need  to talk to that tool-ish guy at the bookstore/basketballgame/bar anyway.  The problem is, when the relationship in my head keeps me from a relationship in real life.  So dear potential suitors, bring me back to reality.  Because you’re probably more empathetic than I’m giving you credit for.  And more patient. And less afraid of commitment.  And most importantly, more real.  And as much fun as it is to date that hipster-esque man in my head, I’d much rather date one in real life.

As long as he doesn’t mind knocking down walls.  Or at least isn’t afraid of heights.

Ferris Wheels.

I had the pleasure of going to the North Carolina state fair last weekend with some of my favorite people in the entire world.  We ate fried food, rode something that spun, wish I hadn't eaten those fried Oreos, saw the biggest pumpkin in the universe (ok the state) and rode the Ferris Wheel.

Predicament.

The Ferris Wheel, presents MAJOR problems when you're single. 
1. Who am I going to sit with?  
2. How depressing is this going to be with out someone I can be disgustingly cute?
3. Are my cute couple-y friends going to make me more depressed?
(If the answer is yes, I usually force my way in between them so they have to pay me attention.  I know they love it when I do that.)

Fortunately for me, there were a number of us standing strong and riding solo.  I didn't have to worry about getting on a couple car by myself.  Also, we were at the fair during the day, which makes it 99% unromantic.  Sure the fair looks all pretty lit up at night, but not so much when you're just getting a better view of the classiest population in the South.

Plus, who knows what riding the Ferris Wheel solo will lead to.  Ryan Gosling may climb up and ask me out on a date.  If I was riding with my boyfriend, I'd have to decline.  Or dump my bf mid-ride, and that would just get awkward.

There is something about being high in the sky, even if at first the view seems bleak.
 
After I stop getting in my own way, all I can see is potential.

Maybe(s).

Being single, there’s a lot up in the air.  Life isn’t consistent and doesn’t have to be.  When the days are feeling monotonous, I have to remind myself I can change the routine when and if I want to.  There is so much up in the air because there’s nothing tying me down.  No kids, no house, no problems.  As long as I can eat and make my car payment I can do anything.  Move across the country?  Sure.  Go to NYC for a weekend?  I’ve got a credit card, I can make it work.  Stay in school forever because a stipend is livable when buying groceries for one?  Definitely contemplated that.  Every day is a new adventure, as long as that’s the perspective I choose.

The only kind of maybe that is not liberating is when it comes from someone else.  Maybe in the future something will happen.  Maybe when the timing is right.  Maybe when I’ve finally matured. In this case, rather than becoming an adventure, maybe becomes paralyzing and keeps me from moving on.  Maybe keeps me stuck in something called hope, and a false hope at that.  As Sara Bareilles said, “Maybe is a vicious little word that can slay me.”  Maybe becomes limiting instead of limitless.  In this case maybe keeps me from adventure rather than urging me to pursue one.  If your answer is maybe, let me have the opportunity to see if someone else’s answer is yes.  You are pretty special to me today but I’m a grown ass woman.  I can handle more than maybe, even if that means saying no.  And I want to be able seek out the maybe(s) that are good.  

So maybe we can go to Europe.  Maybe we can hike the AT.  Maybe we can stay out until the sun comes up.  Maybe we’ll make a midnight milkshake run.  But as for whether or not this will ever be more than a maybe, check Yes or No, please.  There are too many other maybe(s) out there for me to worry about this one.

Ways to stay single forever, until death do you part.

I have a lot of experience being single.  Probably more than the average twenty-something female.  Since there people out there that I am sure are trying to figure out to sustain their single status, here are my top tips.

1. Only talk to people via text messages.  It's the best form of communication and never gets confusing.

2. Only pursue emotionally unavailable people.  You never have to worry about those relationships making it.

3. Talk about kids on all first dates.  Include names and numbers.

4. Keep a couple of ex's around.  It's not weird at all.

5. Never compromise.  This ensures you will never develop a healthy relationship with anyone.

6. Spill your soul immediately.  That will keep them running the other direction.

7. Send mixed signals on the reg, just to keep people guessing.

8. Be either too approachable or not approachable at all.

9. Set up camp in the friend zone.  I think that's where I've built my first home.

10. Write a blog about the perks of being single.

Take my advice and you'll always have enough space to cuddle with your pillow in that double bed!