Maybe(s).

Being single, there’s a lot up in the air.  Life isn’t consistent and doesn’t have to be.  When the days are feeling monotonous, I have to remind myself I can change the routine when and if I want to.  There is so much up in the air because there’s nothing tying me down.  No kids, no house, no problems.  As long as I can eat and make my car payment I can do anything.  Move across the country?  Sure.  Go to NYC for a weekend?  I’ve got a credit card, I can make it work.  Stay in school forever because a stipend is livable when buying groceries for one?  Definitely contemplated that.  Every day is a new adventure, as long as that’s the perspective I choose.

The only kind of maybe that is not liberating is when it comes from someone else.  Maybe in the future something will happen.  Maybe when the timing is right.  Maybe when I’ve finally matured. In this case, rather than becoming an adventure, maybe becomes paralyzing and keeps me from moving on.  Maybe keeps me stuck in something called hope, and a false hope at that.  As Sara Bareilles said, “Maybe is a vicious little word that can slay me.”  Maybe becomes limiting instead of limitless.  In this case maybe keeps me from adventure rather than urging me to pursue one.  If your answer is maybe, let me have the opportunity to see if someone else’s answer is yes.  You are pretty special to me today but I’m a grown ass woman.  I can handle more than maybe, even if that means saying no.  And I want to be able seek out the maybe(s) that are good.  

So maybe we can go to Europe.  Maybe we can hike the AT.  Maybe we can stay out until the sun comes up.  Maybe we’ll make a midnight milkshake run.  But as for whether or not this will ever be more than a maybe, check Yes or No, please.  There are too many other maybe(s) out there for me to worry about this one.