How I Met Your Mother.

This may be the greatest show of all time.  And if you are single, you can particularly relate to this sentiment.  I’ve learned many a life lessons from HIMYM: how to let go of anger, the importance of timing, not to have a kid with my best friend, and how to be awesome.  Everyone has a character they are most similar too, and I’m a Ted.  I’d like to think I’m a Robin, but I want kids and would never evereverevereverever date a Barney. evereverever.  

I’ve made many decisions from Ted’s words of wisdom.  I have also had my friends play “Have you met Hannah?” when we go out.  Okay, that’s not entirely true, but Ted gives me hope, despite the fact that there probably isn’t a guy out there that desperate to get married in this century.

The fact that Ted lives in New York City and still manages to go on the same blind date twice, makes me feel not that half bad about my situation.  You’d think the fact that there are millions of people would increase your chances of finding someone.  Apparently not.  

Some days, Ted’s insight just doesn’t cut it.  These are the days when I cast my dreams of marriage aside and adopt a more awesome approach to life.  Now, I am not a fan of sleeping around, and would not condone 95% of Barney’s behavior.  But, he is hysterical and is probably the king of pointing out good things about being single (I’m the queen, OBVIOUSLY.)  And sometimes, he isn’t that bad at relationships either.  

Lilly and Marshall pull through with the wisdom when Ted and Barney are both being pathetic, in emotionally different but broken ways.  They are like the perfect role model couple.  Granted, no one should be basing expectations of a real relationship after a fictional one, but hey, it’s better than still believing in Prince Charming.  

And finally, Robin.  My favorite quote from her is probably “I got this.”  Independent, hot, strong, she doesn’t let guys change her even when she’s in love.  She doesn’t let her boyfriends even feel as if she needs them.  Which suggests lots of other psychological problems, but we won’t go into that now.

Although How I Met Your Mother is loved and adored by people of all relationship statuses, it gives five very important messages for single people.

1. Hope that there’s someone out there. (Ted)
2. Knowledge that being alone is still awesome. (Barney)
3. A relationship to aspire to. (Lilly and Marshall)
4. It’s okay to date ex’s best friend.
   It’s okay to date your therapist.
   It’s okay to put your career first, but it’s also okay to want other things too. (Robin)
5. Inner dialogues are always acceptable.

I would like to think my life is an unfinished rom com, but it’s more of a drawn out saga of “How I Met Your Father.”  I can’t wait to see how it finishes, but I know there will be some great episodes before the season finale.  And at this rate, I might even beat Ted down the aisle.

Eating Girl Scout Cookies.

As I sit here eating an entire box of frozen Thin Mints, I’m glad I’m single.  I don’t have to worry about working off the extra five pounds I just consumed, the sugar high that’s going to take over my brain and make me go on a pinterest rampage, or God forbid, share.  I can eat my cookies in silence and in the dark so I can’t even see myself consume so many calories.  I’m grateful I don’t have to fight over the last Samoa (excuse me caramel delight, I was born in the 90s), or worse, waste money on cookies I don’t really want.  HA. There isn’t a cookie I don’t want.  And at the rate of my cookie consumption, I can ensure I will be single for a very long time.

Thank you Girl Scouts of America. 

Being Emo.

We all have our down days.  It happens during certain times of the month (men have it too, IMS, look it up), when it’s rainy outside, or you spill chocolate on your favorite shirt. The most emotional person, however, is a high schooler and a single one at that.  I take that back.  There’s no one more emo than a single young adult acting like they are still in high school.  Sometimes it’s actually fun to wallow in your woes, or even being dramatic just for fun.  Nothing quite like putting up illusive song lyrics on the Facebook or Twitter, wishing it were an AIM away message instead (#90skid).  

After you’ve declared to the world you’re the most misunderstood person on the planet, just like everyone else, then there’s the process of selecting music for the occasion. For some, it’s Vanessa Carlton.  “She just gets me.”  For me it’s Death Cab or Dashboard Confessional.  If I’m feeling really unstable, Taylor Swift can do the trick too. If I’m feeling really in touch with my young self, I pull out Avril.  (Come on, Happy Ending was legit.)   There’s nothing like the out of body experience of watching yourself cry over something totally ridiculous that in the moment is the end of the world, whatever age you are.  My favorite out of body experience has got to be belting out the words to “Best Deceptions” while driving in the mountains at 17.  Just kidding, at twenty-something.  And then follow it up with “What’s my age again?”

Being single lends itself to many of these emo days, whether genuine or just for the need to feel self important.  But hey, I am totally misunderstood.  Except by Adele, obvs.

Valentine's Day.

It’s common knowledge that Valentine’s day is the BEST holiday when you are single. Before you question this logic, hear me out.  If you are in a relationship or going on a date on Valentine’s day, it is stressful.  You have to find a place to eat dinner.  You have to decide what to wear.  You have to get a gift, which entails trying to determine the stage of the relationship so you aren’t the one giving pearls to a girl who isn’t ready for them.  Then, when you’re actually out, you have to decide how to act in public.  Are you lovey dovey?  Are you the couple making fun of the other couples but secretly wanting to hold hands?  If you are in a new relationship, there’s figuring out what it means now that you’re out on Valentine’s.  You worry about saying too much, doing too much, or sometimes even worse, not doing enough.  No thank you.  Even if your date is successful, there’s this daunting feel of materialism and that you are expressing your affection because corporate America is telling you to do.  Love or Hallmark?  Who knows.  

On that note, I am not one of those people who is going to pretend to hate Valentine’s day when I’m in a relationship.  I did that once, I was a liar.  It’s actually really nice to get flowers.  I’m not turning those down.  And yes, it is nice to go out on Valentine’s day with a romantic interest.  But its also nice to go out with wonderful friends.  It takes a lot of energy being bitter and I have better things to do with my time.  Hating people’s happiness is too much work and probably not a way to attract a date anyway (unless you are the guy on 27 dresses).  Misery loves company, until the company quits calling you back.

If being single is bumming you out, rather than feeling sorry for yourself go do something.  Ask someone out, flirt with the coffee shop boy (I’m trying), break down and make an online dating account.  (No judgement, those people are actually dating, unlike this girl.)  Or just think about all those people out there you don’t want to date. That always comforts me, the list is pretty long.

And besides, nothing is better than eating chocolate, ice cream, and watching a movie with your besties on February 14th.  Or throwing an independence day party, because you need an excuse to dress up and mingle with other singles.  If you’re a guy, relish in the fact you don’t have to shower today and no one is going get mad at you for playing video games or wearing clothes that don’t match.  Celebrate this day of love by loving yourself and the friends that put up with your crap every day of the year.  My best Valentine’s Day did include a date (shocking, I know), flowers, and probably making fun of other couples, but was not complete without ice cream and a Disney movie with my bff at the end of the day.

And whatever your status may be, everyone wins February 15th.  Here’s to half off chocolate and the end of New Year’s resolutions to go to the gym.

Old Crushes.

One of the most fun (and awkward) things ever is running into old crushes.  Running into these people always brings up the question “What if?”  When you’re single, rather than automatically writing them off because you’re totally happy with [insert name here] you actually consider the person again, even if you know you’re totally incompatible. Running into an old crush is like time traveling.  There’s always this time warp, where things that happened years ago (or didn’t happen but I wanted to) feel like they happened yesterday.  And I always re-evaluate the possibilites even though they just result in the same conclusions: He’s cute, but parties too much, he’s fun, but doesn’t have purpose or direction, he’s wonderful, but thinks she’s wonderful. (Now I can see my friends trying to figure who I’m talking about.  I’ll never tell.  Muahaha.)  

These run ins usually invoke a mixture of delight and disappointment.  Sometimes there’s progression and maturity in my relationship with these people, and some times Psycho Hannah comes to town.  For all men who have ever witnessed or experienced passive- aggressive jealous Hannah, I am truly sorry.  Just know it was out of Like and that for the most part she’s gone.  But old crushes do that to me; they bring out the best and worst.  They bring up good memories as well being reminders of things that didn’t work out.  But who knows?  One of these old crushes may turn into something new and exciting.  Mostly likely, however, they will just be another reminder of my awkward past self.  Just kidding, my awkward self is here to stay. 

Empty Passenger Seats.

If you are the only one in your car, you can keep it as clean as you want.  Or as dirty.  Instead of having a charming, attractive male riding shotty, I use my passenger seat for more practical purposes.  Everything from snacks, sweaters, to an extra pair of shoes keep me company on road trips.  I really don’t have the energy to keep things in the trunk; I have to save that effort for more important things like programming my radio stations or scrolling through my Ipod.  I guess I’ll be okay with a person replacing my material possessions, just as long as he does not mind serving as a coat rack every once in a while, handing me chap stick, and is prompt about changing the radio when commercials come on.  Until then, I’ll take full advantage of the space to my right in the car.

Not Buying Gifts.

I am terrible at buying people presents.  I know some people who are awesome at picking out gifts, but this is not my love language.  I always breathe a sigh of relief around Christmas, Valentine’s day, Easter, or other obscure holidays that might require purchasing a gift for a significant other.  Sometimes I do find the perfect present.  But I get too excited to save it for said person’s birthday, so I go ahead and give it to them. Then I have to get look for another gift before Christmas.  I crack under this type of pressure, or more frequently just get a really crappy gift.  

Receiving gifts, on the other hand, I love.  I will accept mixed tapes, jewelry, anything Harry Potter related, flowers and chocolate.  If you happen to give me my favorite flower on a first date, then it’s fate.  True story, this has happened.  But I do not function under the impression that guys should read my mind and know what I want all the time.  (Girls who function under this model of “communication” drive me nuts.)  So all flora will be welcomed warmly.

Making generalizations about the opposite sex (or same, for my gay boyfriend).

One of the most common ways to deal with singleness is making sweeping generalizations about the opposite sex.  (Or same, whatever floats your boat.)  If you are in a relationship you may succumb to doing this as well, especially in the company of your friends, but it’s only half hearted.  A girl with a boyfriend who says “Men can’t communicate” still knows that there is some one out there who is choosing to communicate with her (at least enough to be in something posing as a relationship).  A single girl, however, believes such generalizations regardless of how illogical they really are.  Logically, I know that not all guys are incapable of communication, but I’ll say it anyway.  Because when you’re single, deep down there’s still a little fear that although you know there are exceptions to such generalizations, there may not be an exception for you.  

There is a double standard for making generalizations as well.  I like to boy-bash as much as the next girl, but as soon as one of my guy friends says all girls are emotional, I pounce on them (and not in a good way.)  The worst is when the-crush-of-the-day makes such statements and I just want to just up and down and say “Pick me!  I’m not like that!”  This happened on the reg in high school.  I guess the mature thing would have been to continue to prove this guy wrong through my actions, instead of saying unkind things and making myself out to be the last person he would want to date.  But considering my lack of brain development at age sixteen, I usually reminded him by saying all guys are the same: They suck.  And we all know that every guy in the world is the same and all their flaws are identical, just like every girl.

Years of dating experience (or lack there of) has only reinforced all of my seemingly incorrect beliefs about men.  They are not in touch with their emotions, do not know what they want, are afraid of commitment and refuse to communicate.  All of them. With the exception of one.  If I can find him.  Feel free to be the one to prove me wrong.