Everything I’ve learned about love, I've learned from Nicholas Sparks.

Due to my limited dating experience, I have to turn to trusted sources such as friends and romantic comedies to get a sense of what love is like.  Now that I’m no longer a preteen, I take Disney channel princess’s with a grain of salt and have had to turn to more reliable stories.  Nicholas Sparks is as close to reality as you can get.  Everything I've learned about love and life, I've learned from him.  Here are just the top ten.

1. First kisses always happen in the rain.  Or a shower, if weather isn't permitting.
2. Everyone has a secret musical talent.
3. Emotionally tortured guys make the BEST boyfriends.
4. If you tell someone not to fall in love with you, they’ll fall in love with you.
5. It is only possible to find romance near a body of water.
6. Letters are a great way to communicate, unless your mother is involved.
7. There’s no point in looking for love during adulthood, because it won’t live up to when you were in high school.
8. It’s not a love story unless someone dies.
9. Lying down in the road is not a safety hazard, it’s precious.
10. It’s totally reasonable to expect a guy to walk hundreds of miles, build a house, or transfer colleges just to win my affection.

For the record:  I haven’t actually read any Nicholas Sparks, however, I have seen the movies. I’m not really into having delusions and unrealistic expectations in relationships, but I can’t say no to Ryan.  Hey boy, I see you in a love story that would never actually happen.  Ever.  I’ll fall in love with you even if you don’t build me a house.  Some call it low standards, I call it reality.

Closure.

I’m really great at break up conversations.  Like, a pro.  The “he’s just not into you” situation, been there, mastered that.  Whether I’m the dumper or the dumpee, I know how to speak civilly about feelings without anyone cursing or saying I hate you.  It’s almost unreal.  The only time I’ve cried during such convos is because I felt bad about breaking up with someone, not because I got dumped (emphasis on during, I’m not going to pretend like being rejected is easy).  It’s almost weird how caring these conversations are for two people who aren’t working out.  Maybe it’s because this is all I know.  If my life were a movie it would be a combination of When Harry friend-zoned Sally, 500 days of Hannah, and Nick and Nora’s Finite playlist.  My life is a rom com where people live happily after ever, respecting and appreciating the other party and the time they had together.  Really?  

That just means, the “I actually am interested in you” situations are the ones in which I’m socially inept.  Things working out?  I don’t know how to do that.  Give me a hottie that just wants to be my friend, I know how to overcome that rejection.  Someone that I’m not interested in?  I can respectfully decline.  Something that might actually work?  I may be really good at closing the door and locking it behind me, but jumping out of the window is a little more frightening.  What will happen if I fall?  Will closure still be there?  

Although Closure is a great thing to have, it is also comfortable.  And even if I fall, I’ll always have my friends to help me get back up.  That’s what ice cream, HIMYM, and Taylor Swift are for.  Doors may be closed but the window’s open, and someone sweatered just walked by.

I’ve got some jumping to do.    

If Ted Mosby is really talking to cats.

In lieu of television shows starting again, I’ve been having some pretty serious discussions with my friends about what is to come this fall.  When will Jess and Nick get together?  Who will win the voice this year?  And most importantly, will Ted ever meet the mother?  I have some cynical (they prefer “realistic”) friends who think it’s all a hoax, dream, or hallucination and Ted will end up alone. Freud would say something in their childhood caused this unjustified hatred of happiness and love. Personally, I think it’s from watching 500 Days of Summer and living in a barren wasteland of no potential romance.  But I digress.

I still have hope that Ted will meet the mother, and my faith in love will continue to exist.  If the writers really are cruel, insensitive people and have his children morph into cats in the series finale, this is what I will do:

1. Yell obscenities.
2. Refuse to believe the show is actually over.
3. Write a letter to CBS.
4. Cry.
5. Watch 500 Days of Summer.
6. Make an online dating account.
7. Never watch TV again.
8. Lose all faith in love.
9. Read 50 Shades of Grey. (Just kidding.)
10. Watch the Notebook.
11. Talk about the finale for the next 6 months.
12. Diagnose Ted with a mental disorder.
13. Blame it on the fact that Ted is too needy.
14. Blame it on Robin.
15. Blame it on the writer’s childhood/ex/parents.
16. Watch the entire series to see what went wrong.
17. Blame it on Lilly.
18. Suit up.
19. Realize that I’m just projecting my feelings onto Ted, and that there’s still hope in the real world. (fingers crossed.)
20. Transfer all my unhealthy emotional investment in television to New Girl.

If there’s hope for someone as awkward as Jess, there’s hope for me.

One week soulmates: Christian teenager edition.

  As every good Christian teenager knows, the best time to find love is in the summer.   Specifically, this love is found on a mission trip or at summer camp.  In working with teenagers this past summer I got to witness these one week romances.  It brought me back to my younger days, where I would be totally convinced that someone and I were destined to be after 5 days of hanging out in a contrived setting.  One summer I had no less than three summer soulmates.  I knew we would be connected forever  because our experience was SO real.  But of course, nothing ever made it past august once we were back in school and he was more worried about being cool.

        But as a teenager is it great being single in the summer and getting to know a different side of who someone is.  I do believe that my summer soulmates really were good guys that wanted to talk about faith even though when we left they were more concerned about partying a dating a more socially acceptable person rather than the hanging out with the Preacher’s kid that made straight A’s.  My friends were also disappointed by many a one week romances who were so cute playing with impoverished children but folded to being “cool” during the other seasons of the year.

        Young people, do not let this discourage you.  Cherish these short lived flames, but take them for what they are.  I really do believe you see the best of someone away from all the pressures of peers and parents.  Enjoy your single status and get to know people and give them the benefit of the doubt.  But if you’re not single, consider yourself warned: leaving that loyal boyfriend of two years probably isn’t worth a crush that is 75% mountains, subtropical heat, or Jesus music.

        God knows what you did last summer. And chances are, your youth leaders do too. ;)