The Fourth of July.

The fourth of July and New Year’s Eve are two of my favorite holidays.  Sure, Christmas and Thanksgiving are great family holidays, but the f of J and NYE are for friends.  I love the traditions that have emerged in my life around these two events.  NYE has become a point of reuniting with my college friends and the fourth of july for my summer camp friends.  Although both groups of friends are very treasured, there are a few reasons why the Fourth of July is a great day as an eligible bachelorette.

It’s Summer.  This means swimsuits, sun dresses, polos.  Flip flops and the pool.  Tans.  Plus, fireworks on a summer night are way better than fireworks in thirty degree weather.

Dancing.  So at my camp the fourth always involves a dance.  And not a “back that...up,” inappropriate, you wouldn’t want your parents to see you, kind of dance.  One where you swing your partner (not in a country western fashion) and promenade.  The guys actually have to have rhythm (or a girl who knows how to back lead).  For once, I get to be twirled and feel like a lady. It’s my yearly reminder that chivalry is not 100% dead.

No pressure to kiss.  Why do people kiss at midnight on NYE?  Woooohooo it’s a new year, let’s make out?  More importantly, why does everyone not in a relationship feel like they have to find someone to kiss?  If I don’t know you, I really don’t want you up in my face.  No thanks.  So I really appreciate the fact I can enjoy a holiday without any pressure of gift giving or PDA.  But then again, if I feel inspired by freedom or the pursuit of happiness, I’m not going to fight it.

Unfiltered: The Notebook.

Despite how much I reference this movie, it’s not actually my favorite rom com.  If I want a sappy, hopeful, love film, I’d rather watch 13 going on 30, or Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, or 500 Days of Summer.  (Yeah, yeah, I know Summer sucks, but somehow I always end up optimistic about my dating future after watching that movie.)  I have many friends who are huge fans of the Notebook, and I respect that choice.  And I have seen it more than once, and cried more than once when watching it.  But I have a bone to pick with Mr. Sparks.

I don’t buy it.  I want Nicholas to write an autobiography about his own real life love story. I want to know how that went down.  Is he as romantic as all his fictional characters?  I’m a well known cynic, so to me it seems like a pack of lies.  He built a house.  Why didn’t he just bust up in the restaurant when he saw her then?  Personally, I would have taken him back right then and there, as soon as I heard about the 365 letters he wrote.  Then he would have saved all that time on manual labor and drinking too much liquor.

I’m all for a romantic gesture, don’t get me wrong.  I do have a heart (and it’s not made of stone).  But the only thing that surprasses dear nick on unrealistic expectations about relationships is Disney.  If I leave a Tom shoe anywhere, no one will be trying to find me, except to tell me to wash my feet.  And I’m guessing a glass slipper wouldn’t smell much better either.

Watching the Notebook while you’re single is like eating too much chocolate (also done frequently by single people).  It first makes you feel better, happier, and more content, followed quickly by self-loathing depression.  Maybe I’ll have more favorable feelings about the Notebook once I’m in a relationship (fingers crossed), but let’s be real.  I’ll just think my own story is better.

Reasons to stay single in high school.

I wasn’t a huge fan of high school, but for some reason I have a desire to relive my angsty years by working with teenagers.  So lonely youth of America, keep your heads up.  Here are some reasons to be happy if you’re single.

1. You don’t have to worry about realizing whoever your crush of the week is in reality a total dud.  Because most of them are.  And not many relationships they start in high school work out once you graduate.  (Cheers to the recently wedded Braswells, they are 1 in 1,000,000.)  Chances are you’ll break up and be embarrassed at how “totally awesome” you thought that person was.  Your friends DEFINITELY will never let you forget it.
2. You’ll have lots of friends.  Some high school couples balance friends and relationship well, but many don’t.  And those times with your bros or your girls will be way more memorable and have a higher likelihood of sticking around than that totally hot kid in math class.
3. Dealing with 16 year old boys: xbox, wii, cod, bodily noises, “Do we have to talk?” shoulder shrug, Transformers
4. Dealing with 16 year old girls: “Looooooooooooooove me”, Prom, Prom, Prom, "what are you thinking about?", hearing about Taylor Lautner, 10,000 texts a day
5. “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
6. OMG WHY DIDN’T YOU RESPOND TO MY TEXT MESSAGE? WHY AREN’T YOU MORE LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER AND OTHER HIGH PITCHED PHRASES.
7. Prom.  Girls, just go with your friends.  It’ll be easier and less stressful.  95% of guys would rather be playing video games anyway.
8. Getting good grades.  When you have  tons of homework and 100 extracurriculars, there’s no time for relationships.  But it’s worth it.  Working hard in high school gets you into a good college where the dating pool is 100 times better.  Hypothetically.  That’s what your parents will tell you and it’s true as long as you check out the girl:guy ratio before you enroll.  Why didn’t I want to be an engineer?  #liberalartsproblems
9. Being just friends with the opposite sex is great.  I have some awesome guy friends from high school.  And unlike all the guys I tried to date, they’re still around.  Pro: reliving high school memories.  Con: reliving high school memories.
10. Everyone needs their suffering years (at least, that’s what  I learned from the movie Little Miss Sunshine) and if you never experience being single, you miss a lot of suffering.  The ability to connect to [insert emo band here] will make you a lot of friends in the future.

Admittedly, I wasn’t single by choice in high school, and I actually liked video games and star wars.   Darn you highschool-crush-i-would-never-actually-pursue-in-adulthood.  But looking back, I’m really happy with the way things went, even if at the time it sucked.

*Note: some of this reasonsing also applies to college, or as I like to refer to it, extended adolescence.

The friend that gets engaged before you.

Everyone has someone they expected to engaged before. Don’t try to deny it, you know it’s true. That awkward kid in high school that always answered everything right in math /history/everysingle class, and you just sat there thinking “I’ll definitely get married before him/her.” Now thanks to Mark Zuckerberg, you know that said personyou dubbed as a social outcast is happily engaged while you’re sitting home alone, with four roommates, three cats, or your parents. You can’t believe someone as cool as yourself is getting beat down the aisle. But don’t stress, you’ve still got time. And during time, keeps these things in mind.

There’s someone out there cooler than you. Shocking, I know. Personally I’m in denial of this fact 95% of the time. But remember, whatever you’re feeling toward your awkward friend, someone is going to feel about you. I know that no matter how awesome I think I am, when I get married in roughly 10 years (fingers crossed), someone will be shocked that this force of crazy found someone willing to say “I do.” So humble yourself. Because your awkward friend has someone even more awkward than them, and you are that awkward friend to someone else. It’s the The Circle of (social) Life.

They’re doing you a favor. When other people get engaged, you should congratulate them, no matter how weird you think they are or bitter you’re feeling that day. They’re really helping you out by weeding out the dating pool for you. All your friends getting engaged are probably marrying people you wouldn’t want to date anyway. So by taking them off the market, they’re helping you avoid potential failed relationships. Whew. Be genuinely excited for all of these betrothals, even if it’s purely out of selfish reasons.

So to all of those getting engaged, congrats! And never fear, I know there’s no one as awkward as I am, so the fact that anyone I’ve ever known has found the one is no surprise to me. Plus, I tend to surround myself with socially apt, wonderful people. Is this a reflection of my charm and interpersonal skills? I’d like to think so, but lbr, I’m more a reflection of my lovely friends than they are of me.