Alternate Ending: How I Met Your Mother

Ted Mosby is officially the longest story teller ever. He was cute, adorable, and a wonderful hopeless romantic.  Repeat: he was.  Loyal fans know that Ted has hit rock bottom.  And fans that quit when he started getting desperate have heard this from others and have no intention of starting to watch again.  Dearest Ted, this could have been avoided.  And as someone who has personal experience expressing interest in the same person multiple times: things. won't. change.

So real life Teds (myself included), if you are into someone and they want to be friends, don't. Making new friends takes a lot of work.  If you are friends pre-confession... I'll plead the fifth.

If I had my way HIMYM would have been one season and gone like this:

Ted:  You’re right, there’s no off switch. God I wish there was an off switch.

Robin: me too.

Ted: So....

Robin: we could be friends 

Ted: Oh, ouch

Robin: look, I know it sounds insincere when people say that but… we could.

Ted: I don’t know, Robin. I made such a jackass out of myself here, every time we start hanging out it’ll be like, “Oh—that’s right—I’m a jackass.”

Robin: You’re not a jackass. I’m sorry. I only moved here in April and I’m always working and—I just haven’t met a lot of good people so far. But I understand.

Ted: Well—uh—maybe in a few months after it’s not so fresh, we could all—uh…you know, get a beer.

Robin: yeah. That sounds good. I’ll see you, Ted.

Two months later Ted meets the future Mrs. Mosby because he isn't hung up on something that will never work.  Robin meets Barney about six months later when she by chance goes to MacLaren's with some co-workers.  After an STD check, Robin agrees to date him and they live happily ever after.

And all of their lives were Legen---wait only a few episodes later----dary.