Signs that I like you.

I always think it’s blatantly obvious when I’m interested in someone, but my friends have to remind me sometimes this just isn’t so.  I think I wear my heart on my sleeve, not true.  (Although I always wear sass on my face, I tend to leave the heart at home.)  I’m probably giving off way more mixed signals than I intend, so here’s my attempt to clear that up.

1. I don’t want to hang out with you.  I’m SUPER awkward.  You know those scenes in television shows where the guy sees the cute girl and forgets his name?  I do that, on the reg.  I’ve darted the other way or ended seemingly normal conversations with attractive males.  Flight or fight kicks in and I flee.  So if you think I’m avoiding you, I’m probably actually into you.  Backwards, I know.
 
2. I want to hang out with you. Duh.  Who likes someone they don’t want to be around?

3. I’m not flirting with you.  Despite how much fun I am, I can be a serious person.  My favorite topics of conversation involve religion, politics, and solving the world’s problems.  If it feels like I’m trying to figure out your soul at a bar, it means I might actually be interested in you.  Extended superficial conversations bore me, and don’t really give me a good sense of who a person is.  If I’m boring you by asking your thoughts on marriage equality, it’s good to know that sooner than later.

4. I am flirting with you.  I’m bad at playing games and the social norms for mating.  Really, I would much rather just be direct.  But occasionally I abide by the rules and get my flirt on.  Usually this happens if you have passed the above stage of me not flirting with you, and I have deemed you a worthy person of extra attention.  Or maybe I’m just taking a five minute break from over analyzing people for a change.

5. You’re poor at communicating.  Weak. ness.  The harder you are to get to know, the more I want to know you.  If there’s no way in hell I know what you’re thinking, I probably want to date you.  Or at least have you like me enough to tell me all your secrets.

6. You’re good at communicating.  If we can talk about everything (and we agree on 99%), I might like you.  When I get tired of forcing guys to tell me how they feel, I go for someone who will actually tell me what’s going on.  It plays into my desire to be direct and talk about feelings.  If you don’t fall into those categories, don’t fret, you might still have a chance.  See #5.  

7. You like the same bizarre crap I do.  Some may call me adorkable, some may call me a hipster, I just call it weird.  I like random music and movies, books and foods.  And when I really like something, it becomes very core to my identity.  So when I find someone who is as obsessed with _____________ as I am, I get really excited.  And yeah I know, mutual interests aren’t everything.  Just because we both love flannel/summer/campfires, it doesn’t mean you’re my soul mate.  But it didn’t stop Tom, and it probably won’t stop me from crushing either.

8. We have nothing in common. Just kidding.

If that doesn’t clear up my thought processes, I don’t know what will.

A Word on Boring People.

Sometimes, people in relationships can be really boring.  And typically, these people fess us to how boring they are.  It's because once you have found someone who can tolerate your lackluster attributes, there's no reason to fake having an exciting life.  To paraphrase a relationship, boredom stricken friend of mine, "I've always been boring, now I just embrace it."

Being single, I don't have time for that.  I've got to be as interesting as possible, so I can find someone to be boring with later.  When you're single, it's all about delaying that gratification of doing absolutely nothing, so you won't be doing nothing alone.  Here are a few tips to keep from becoming a single snooze fest before your time.

1) If you watch TV, make sure the shows are applicable to a wide audience.  Pick your shows based on appeal to the masses and life relevance.  Personally, I recommend How I Met Your Mother and New Girl.  My roommate and I watch this on the reg, preferably in mixed gender company, just to increase the quality of the viewing experience.  Plus, it just gives us more people to rant about Ted with.

2) Never wear sweatpants. Ever. Ever.  Sweatpants are symbol that you have thrown any sex appeal out of the window.  One of my friends wears them to signal to her husband tonight is not the night.  Whilst single, sweatpants are a symbol you have given up.  Put your sweatpants in the depths of your closet and go buy leggings.  Leggings are sweats equally comfy, sexy sister.

Disclaimer:  Guys can wear sweatpants and still look attractive.  Damn you, double standards.

3) Leave the house after dark.  If you never do anything after 8:00 p.m., you're officially a party pooper.  If you are under the age of 30, don't to to play the "I'm so old" card.  Yeah, the first year after college is really different now that you're an "adult", but it doesn't make it acceptable to bail on all social gatherings that start after nine.  Live your 20's like it's the 1920's.  Save the Great Depression for a later decade.

If you're still worried you have become an uninteresting person before finding your equally dull soul mate, compare your life to my friend.  Before doing anything I see how said activity ranks on the boring scale, 1-Carie.  You can read about her life here.  She's actually one of my favorite people, so chances are, she is more exciting than you.

Only your kids should ever find you this dreadful.

Reasons I'm moving to a big city.

1. I don’t like driving.  It’s not like I hate it, I would just rather be able to ride public transportation.  That way I can use my time in a more productive way, like reading, daydreaming or doing Sudoko instead of having to pay attention to the road and search for parking.  Plus, buying gas is just depressing.

2. I’m extroverted.  Like really, the most extroverted person I know.  I love people, even when I don’t like them that much.  And yes, it is still possible to feel alone in a city full of people, but it’s still better for my sanity than when there’s not a human in sight.  (Exception to the rule: backpacking, given that I can find my trail buddy by nightfall.)

3. I’m progressive.  I have lived on oceanfront property on the the Red Sea, with the exception of my college home at the Lake of Carolina Blue. If I hear one more oppressive thing, from anyone, I’m going to lose it.  Quote the bible much?  I’ve got some verses to throw back at you too.       

4. Ethnic food.  I’ll try any (food) once.  Seriously, try me.  And as much as I love barbeque and sweet tea, there’s only so much you can eat without ensuring an early death.

5. It’s more socially acceptable to be single.  Sorry North Carolina, I’m just not going to meet the average marriage age of 25 for women.  The girl:guy ratio has not been in my favor the past decade.  Plus, I’ve been more focused on my MA than my MRS.  And being a BFD. 

                                                   Big Ben, Big Possibilities.

3 a.m.

I'm a night owl.  Anyone who has ever lived with me, or interacted with me before 10 a.m. knows I do not like mornings.  I wish I did, and I'm not one of those "don't talk to me before I've had my coffee" people, but I am a "don't expect my sentences to make sense until I've had my coffee" person.  I've spent some time working with youth, and by the end of a week long trip they started to replace my last name with Cranky.  Accurate.

That being said, as much as I loathe waking up, I love staying up late.  I look forward to the moment my second wind kicks in.  I can be tired all day, but be raring go by nightfall.  I love the way night time feels: dark, exciting, mysterious, magical.  It's like my frontal lobe regresses to my teenage self as the sun goes down and I start to believe I can do anything.  Life turns into a game of "good idea, fun idea" where all ideas seem fun AND good.

So while I'm single, childless, and without real employment, I have no excuse not to enjoy the crazy adventures that come when the sun sets.  Homework?  I'll do it tomorrow.  Sleep?  I'll do it tomorrow.  Quality time with quality people?  Not worth putting off for tomorrow.  Because tomorrow I might meet the love of my life, settle down, and become totally satisfied sitting at home every night.  (Just kidding, I'll always be too extroverted for that.  I'll be part of a couple that is still social.  Friends, you have my word.) 

3 a.m. I must be lonely? Dear Matchbox 20, you are wrong.  It's 3 a.m. I must be eating Mexican, going to get a milkshake, having a dance party, sharing secrets, rockin' on the porch, stargazing, skipping, and Living The Dream.

#sorrynotsleepy