For some time now, I've been thinking that I'm ready for a serious relationship. If I found the "right" person, I would be willing to be vulnerable, compromise, communicate, etc. Recently, as happens sometimes in this department, I was proven wrong. Turns out, I'm a lot of talk and no action. Except if the action is running away.
What had happened was, I read Mindy Kaling's book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (and other concerns). She has a chapter on her own experiences with dating and how to tell the difference between the men and the boys. In short, men have briefcases and schedules, planners and healthcare, furniture that isn't from a dorm and pay a mortgage, not rent. Boys can fit all of their belongings in duffel bags, spend all their money on music festivals, stay up late on weeknights at diners, and are impulsive. And for the longest time, Mindy said she was terrified of men. They are committed, even when they were single. Their lives are stable and consistent, and involve acting intentionally. Whilst reading her description of men, I realized that despite my belief that I want a more serious relationship, so am I.
I still have the notion that being an adult is zero fun. Briefcases and schedules sound so boring, even though I wouldn't get anything done with out my planner. I don't know what to do with a man with a plan, pet, and no need to go find them-self on the AT.
Why? As Cece says back to Jess, "Maybe [he] intimidates you because you wouldn't have to take care of him because he would take care of you and that just terrifies you."
Accurate. Who wants to be with someone who has it all together when they are still figuring out was "business casual" means? Answer: no one.
Then again, I think there is a middle ground that Mindy missed. I know men who still maintain spontaneity, and I know boys with briefcases. Whether you're male, female, 18, 23, or 35, single, cohabitating, or married, it's all about your mindset. Are you still looking for opportunities to "find yourself" or have you accepted that no matter how old we get, life is about finding out new things? There isn't an end point where you stop growing and stop changing. As much as I would like to think that things get easier as an adult, the more I know, the more I realize I don't know. Men and women, stay in one place long enough to learn about themselves and build relationships that can support them in the process. Boys and girls often think that they can do all of the exploring and maturation on their own. So maybe I'm not ready to live in the same house for 20 years, but I no longer have the illusion that backpacking across Europe/California/the Appalachian mountains will answer all my questions about life. Some questions can only be answered when we stay in one place long enough to get to know someone without the fear of party moving just because "this is the time to do it." Maybe it's time to stop running.
What had happened was, I read Mindy Kaling's book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (and other concerns). She has a chapter on her own experiences with dating and how to tell the difference between the men and the boys. In short, men have briefcases and schedules, planners and healthcare, furniture that isn't from a dorm and pay a mortgage, not rent. Boys can fit all of their belongings in duffel bags, spend all their money on music festivals, stay up late on weeknights at diners, and are impulsive. And for the longest time, Mindy said she was terrified of men. They are committed, even when they were single. Their lives are stable and consistent, and involve acting intentionally. Whilst reading her description of men, I realized that despite my belief that I want a more serious relationship, so am I.
I still have the notion that being an adult is zero fun. Briefcases and schedules sound so boring, even though I wouldn't get anything done with out my planner. I don't know what to do with a man with a plan, pet, and no need to go find them-self on the AT.
Why? As Cece says back to Jess, "Maybe [he] intimidates you because you wouldn't have to take care of him because he would take care of you and that just terrifies you."
Accurate. Who wants to be with someone who has it all together when they are still figuring out was "business casual" means? Answer: no one.
Then again, I think there is a middle ground that Mindy missed. I know men who still maintain spontaneity, and I know boys with briefcases. Whether you're male, female, 18, 23, or 35, single, cohabitating, or married, it's all about your mindset. Are you still looking for opportunities to "find yourself" or have you accepted that no matter how old we get, life is about finding out new things? There isn't an end point where you stop growing and stop changing. As much as I would like to think that things get easier as an adult, the more I know, the more I realize I don't know. Men and women, stay in one place long enough to learn about themselves and build relationships that can support them in the process. Boys and girls often think that they can do all of the exploring and maturation on their own. So maybe I'm not ready to live in the same house for 20 years, but I no longer have the illusion that backpacking across Europe/California/the Appalachian mountains will answer all my questions about life. Some questions can only be answered when we stay in one place long enough to get to know someone without the fear of party moving just because "this is the time to do it." Maybe it's time to stop running.
